The Say Please Program
by Linda Wagner

When a new client calls me for a consultation about doggie daycare or an overnight stay, I make it a point to ask them if there are any areas they would like their pet to improve or work on while they are with me. The number one request is better doggie manners. Pushy behavior ranging from jumping on people to pulling on a leash and barking or ignoring commands are just a few ways that a pet will bully an owner or stranger into paying attention. Often owners have become frustrated with conventional methods that no longer seem to work.  

But how did our dogs get that way? Just where did we go wrong? 

Keep in mind that dogs would rather receive bad attention than no attention at all. It makes no difference to them which type of attention they are getting as long as they are getting attention. Examples include pushing your arm for attention while you are watching TV or on the phone, putting a paw on you or on a guest without invitation, jumping on furniture or people, barking, or ignoring your commands.  

If this all sounds sadly familiar, do not despair! There is gold at the end of this particular doggie rainbow. The “Say Please” program, (also known as “Nothing in Life is Free” or “No Free Lunch”) is a basic program that any owner can begin to work with their pet. How? By teaching your dog that she has to have manners to get what she wants and must behave politely if she wants to receive anything, including attention. Think of how our parents taught us that politeness was the only acceptable behavior at home and in public and start applying the same principal to your dog. Demanding or pushy behavior gets your dog nothing, period. 

Step one: sitting for everything. Getting ready to feed breakfast? Ask for a sit before Sadie is allowed to eat. Does Sophie want to get in or out of the car? She has to sit first. Does Trooper want to go for a walk? He must ask you nicely by offering a sit before and during the attachment of his leash. Anytime your dog is going in or out a door, he must say “please” first (translation: sit) and wait for you to go out first. Fifty to one hundred sits per day are your homework for step one. The biggest change that you will notice is your declining willingness to accept unwanted behavior. 

This next piece of advice is vital: if you ask for a sit and your dog ignores you, do not ask more than twice. After your have asked twice, wait your dog out because there are really only two explanations for his noncompliance. Either your dog doesn’t understand the command or he is, to be blunt, blowing you off. Most dogs know the cue “sit” by eight weeks of age, so odds are pretty good he is just waiting for you to be the first to crack! 

Do not cave in to your dog’s demands by deciding, “Well, he’s never going to sit so I might as well just go ahead and feed him or we’ll be here all day.” If your dog finds out that you are not willing to follow through, he will take twice as long to sit the next time you ask him or continue to ignore you altogether. If he discovers that you mean what you ask, and are willing to wait until you receive it, he will begin, in turn, to ask you politely by complying with your request. NEVER give a command that you do not have the time to see through from start to finish. 

Step two: fade out the verbal command. Start using body language to indicate that you expect a sit in every situation. Again, wait your dog out. If you are both standing at a door and not going anywhere, she will figure out what is expected of her and react accordingly.  Your goal is for your dog to learn how to sit regularly in all situations without having to constantly be asked. Just as you train your son to learn how to say please and thank you in a restaurant, you also have a reasonable expectation that you won’t have to continue to remind him when he’s 30! 

[Portions of this article were originally printed in the Estes Park News, 2003]